Letting Go of People Pleasing

Are you a people-pleaser? Would you like to let that go?

Here’s a classic example from my life:

Jared (my husband): Where would you like to go to lunch?

Me: I’m not sure. Where do you want to go?

Jared: (Silence)

Me: Do you feel in the mood for Japanese, Mexican, Chinese, Thai, Salad, something else?

Jared: Pause. Christie, why don’t you tell me where YOU want to go? I asked you because I’m truly interested in where you want to go and I seriously could go to any of those places.

Me: Uhhhh...How about that one sushi place where we ate last week?

Jared: Sounds great!

You get the point. People-pleasing is usually where a "self-care low" begins.

We often learn this people-pleasing habit from our mothers or fathers as we grow up.

So how do you overcome it?

As a reformed people-pleaser myself, here are the 3 of the top ways I’ve turned people-pleasing into making fulfilling choices for myself and others (while not spreading my energy too thin).

1. Learn to love myself and forgive myself. I’ve found when you blame yourself or punish yourself for anything (like ruminating on the past and replaying conversations), or when you fear other people are blaming you, it can trigger you to apologize profusely and to turn to pleasing others. I’ve overcome this by using the Self-Love Affirmations I’ve included in the Epic Morning Ritual Kit. You don’t have to be sorry for being you!
2. Learn to take charge of how I spend my time. If you’re a people-pleaser, I can almost guarantee that your day is filled with activities that you “think” other people want you to do. And you feel burdened! The best way I’ve overcome this is to do my morning ritual every day.
3. Learn to give myself praise. When you need others to praise you to feel good, that can mean you depend on validation. If your self-worth is totally dependent on what others think about you, you’ll only feel good when you receive compliments. And how often does that really happen? The best way is to: give yourself praise and recognize your own strengths and gifts, keep a Gratitude Journal, plus do Affirmations (found in the Epic Morning Ritual Kit).

I know I’ve felt much more joy and freedom as I’ve let go of people-pleasing - and actually, people respect me more, treat me better, etc., because how people treat you is always a reflection of how you treat yourself. So increasing your self-love with these three tips is a certain way to help you overcome people-pleasing! I hope this helps you!

Have an epic day today!